


June 2004

by gothclark



Series: freak4ever - the Journal of Clark Kent [11]
Category: Smallville
Genre: Angst, M/M, Sexual Content, Wordcount: 10.000-30.000
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2013-01-14
Updated: 2013-01-14
Packaged: 2017-11-25 11:52:51
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 11,263
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/638627
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/gothclark/pseuds/gothclark
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>Lex starts LexCorp. Clark grows one year older and makes a new friend in Dick Grayson. After drinking lemonade, the adults in town begin to exhibit odd behavior. Clark struggles with the idea of telling Lex his biggest secret.</p>
            </blockquote>





	June 2004

01 June @ 12:55 am

I think my mom actually, for a moment, thought that dad would kill Nixon. She hesitated. There's a lot of that going around. I'm so glad he didn't. We were lucky Lex showed up when he did. I don't even know how to thank him for saving my dad's life. I haven't had a chance to talk to him at all since it happened.

I was passed out when it happened so I didn't see it. Nixon was going to kidnap me. If Lex hadn't shown up, dad might be dead now and who knows what Nixon would have done with me. I didn't see Lex kill Nixon. I didn't see the look in Lex's eyes when he pulled the trigger.

I haven't been able to stop thinking about it. Lex saved my whole family. I could have lost everything if it hadn't been for him. I wish I could call him.

I e-mailed him. 

to let you know

I just wanted to thank you for everything you did for my family. I was really busy all day today, but I promise I'll come by tomorrow to see you. Let me know when would be a good time.

How is your dad doing? I hope the surgery went okay. See you soon.

love  
Clark

I should have said more. I just didn't know what to say. 

I'm going to wait to see if he e-mails me back.

@ 11:32 pm

I went to see Lex but I was at a loss as to what to say. I told him if he needs to talk I'm here for him, but he said he didn't want to talk. He was already drinking when I got there. It feels like a million years have passed, and we're not the same people any more. Only it hasn't and I'm still me and he's still Lex. 

What am I supposed to say to him? Thanks for killing for me. Hey Lex, sorry you were forced to shoot a man to save my dad.

He was right there sitting beside me and I was a total loser. Anybody else would have known what to say. I made up a lie about having to leave to help my dad. He didn't look like he wanted me there. I felt like an intruder.

I ran to Gotham before I even knew what was happening. I kept thinking that Bruce would know what to do. I went to see him, and told him what happened with Lex, Nixon, my dad, and everything.

He's coming to see Lex tomorrow. I was so grateful. He told me to go home. So here I am alone in the loft, wondering when the pain of my crash landing will end.

 

02 June @ 11:06 am

Maybe I was a little hasty last night. I should have thought things through when I went to Bruce about what happened with Lex. What if Lex gets angry when Bruce shows up? He might not be too thrilled that I brought Bruce into this. I don't care. I only care about Lex's state of mind, and right now I don't really feel qualified to help with this. 

I should have been more coherent when I spoke to Bruce. I think I freaked him out. Last night I came away from his place feeling like I'd made the right choice, but this morning all I can think is that Lex will get angry, and I've totally screwed everything up again.

Part of me is too scared to go see Lex, and part of me feels that nothing should be different, but I know it is. So much has happened. I have to do something. The things I said can't just be brushed off. I really wish they could. I don't know if we're still fighting so much as not sure where to take things from here. 

I just e-mailed Lex and asked him out. He said yes!!!! Now we just have to figure out what we want to do. I didn't really think that far ahead.

So, this was his response:

Sounds very tempting, angel. This will give me something to contemplate as I work. I'll come up with a plan. How long would you be able to get away for? A day? Overnight? Let me know the parameters of our excursion.

Now I just have to ask mom and dad. Wish me luck.

 

03 June @ 11:13 am

I asked last night after dinner and to my shock mom and dad debated it right in front of me as if I wasn't even there. Then they finally decided it was a good idea and that both Lex and I could use some time away since we've both been through so much.

I was amazed that dad only put a few restrictions on what we could do. He said flying somewhere was totally out of the question, but that I could go anywhere within the state. 

I just got Lex's e-mail in response to the one I sent last night. I e-mailed him to let him know that mom and dad were okay with us going somewhere to be alone.

 

Hi Clark,

That's okay. I turned in early yesterday evening anyway. After Bruce's surprise visit, I found myself rather exhausted. 

I'm very pleased (if a little surprised) to hear that your parents don't mind if we get away for a few days. Though I'm disappointed to have to cancel the reservations I made for that little hotel by the Seine. 

Kidding, Clark. Kidding.

I know a place that's private and quiet and only a few hours away, where we could relax and perhaps do some stargazing. Among other things. How does that sound to you? 

If you're wondering, I'm not upset about Bruce. It was good to see him, even if he can be a little pushy sometimes. I know you meant well.

Yours,  
Lex

I'm glad Lex isn't angry with Bruce. It's funny because Bruce didn't say much to me about Lex when he stopped by yesterday in the late afternoon. I don't mind as long as Lex is okay. I know he isn't going to get over this right away. I just want him to deal with it instead of pretending it never happened. I have no idea what he is going through and since it was something that he did to save my dad, I feel like I have to help him deal with it.

I also told Bruce about Nixon, how he blew me up, and how he had proof about what I am and how Lex said Nixon tried to sell the information to him. I voiced my fears that maybe Nixon had left something that could be found. My dad told me he destroyed the tape in Nixon's camera, but there's no telling what else he had on me. When I told Bruce I was planning on investigating, he told me he would take care of it for me.

The ship is gone, and I'm glad. There's a big part of me that really hopes I never see it again.

 

04 June @ 11:23 pm

We're here. It's really out of the way. There's nobody else around, which is great since it's what I'd hoped for. We have an amazing view from this huge window, there's a fridge full of food, and the place is huge. I'm in the living room on the fold out sofa bed right now, using Lex's laptop, since I didn't bring mine. I didn't think we were supposed to, but at least I brought my telescope. Tonight looks like a great stargazing night.

Lex is taking a shower. I peeked for a few seconds with my x-ray vision. I shouldn't cheat, but I didn't think it would hurt to take a look. It's not anything I haven't already seen. I hope this weekend he can relax. I know that he won't be able to forget everything, but I want him to have a chance to take a breather. He pushes himself so hard.

My dad never pushes me. He wants me to be the best I can be at whatever I try, but I don't think he ever really pushes. The only time he pushes me is when he expects me to do the right thing.

Lex just came out of the shower. He's wearing nothing but green, silk pajama bottoms. They are so soft. He fell asleep beside me. Now he's rolled a little toward me so that his body is pressed against me. He's so warm. He just slid his arm around my waist. He's so smooth.

I think we're going to go for a hike tomorrow. I'm really looking forward to doing normal things with him. He never seems to do normal things. Maybe it's just that he's a few years older than me. He's expected to be adult whereas I'm still only in high school so I don't have the same responsibilities that Lex has. Although dad would say that isn't true. I've always had too many responsibilities as it is. Now I have to add adulthood to them.

I have no idea where all this is coming from. I guess I've been thinking a lot on things lately. Growing up is totally sucky. I hate it so far. In some ways it's cool. I get to drive. I drove us some of the way here since Lex was so tired. We took the red Ferrari and that is totally awesome, but then there are things like being responsible for your own actions. I've been taught all my life that there are consequences to everything you do. I never truly understood that until this past year.

I need to get some sleep.

@ 11:45 pm

This place rocks. It's so cool and way out of the way. I can totally see us doing some cool stuff in that Jacuzzi. Lex took a shower after the hike and then passed out. Now he's sprawled beside me. It's a graceful sprawl. He has one hand on my ass. Even asleep he homes in on my butt.

Tomorrow I'm going to wake up and make breakfast for both of us. I need to get to sleep. Our second night and we didn't even make it into the bedroom. In fact he just kissed me once and then passed out.

His touch is making me hard, but I don't want to spoil the moment.

 

07 June @ 11:56 pm

It was such a great weekend. I forgot all my worries, and it was all because of Lex. He's so amazing! I could see myself spending the rest of my life with him. I've never felt so at ease with anybody before beyond my mom and dad.

Saturday morning I woke up and let Lex sleep in. He looked so peaceful. I can't figure out how he manages to still look so elegant even in sleep.

I walked around the area while he slept and checked things out. This place is very secluded. I know because I listened hard to see if I could hear any sounds of civilization close by. It occurred to me that Lex had chosen this place so that we wouldn't be seen by anybody. 

I decided the best way to handle this was to not push him. I wanted him to talk to me, and the only way I could do that is if I didn't push. He eventually talked to me about Pam and how much he misses her. I wasn't really sure what to say so I told him that I thought Pam was happy in the end.

He told me that Bruce and Feegan had pushed him hard about how he was feeling. A lot of things have happened to Lex over the last few weeks so I understand why they pushed. I know Bruce was my doing. I knew that he would understand better what Lex was going through. It might have been a bad move. I know Bruce was glad I let him know what was happening, but a part of me thinks that maybe I shouldn't have gone behind Lex's back.

It's been such a great weekend I don't want to think anymore on those things.

We spent Saturday hiking and making out. It was refreshing to be somewhere with Lex where nobody was demanding his time or mine. I didn't have to leave to do chores or stop what we were doing. It was as if we were the last living humans in the world.

We managed to do some stargazing last night. For some reason, I was really tired by the end of the day. I was the one who passed out this time.

The next morning he woke me up with kisses. He even brought me breakfast in bed: a powdered jelly filled donut and a glass of milk. It was awesome. I kind of messed up the bed with the donut powder, but it was totally worth it since he gave me the most amazing blowjob ever. Then I sucked him off and it was the best morning in my entire life.

He packed a picnic lunch for us and we went for another hike. We meandered around the area, taking in the scenery. It was wonderful and relaxing. I hated to go home.

 

08 June @ 03:46 pm

Bruce stopped by last night to give me the files he found. Nixon had pictures of me from when he blew me up in the truck. Mom and dad are going to the next country to pick up a new truck. The insurance money was enough to cover the cost of another truck. It's not a new model, but at least dad can get something decent.

I feel guilty because of everything that's happened. I try to shake it, but I just can't help but feel that if it weren't for me, we'd still have our truck. When I spoke to Bruce about it, he said all the things I expected him to say. I know my parents don't care about the truck, and that I'm the most important thing to them. I just feel bad that these things keep happening. Bruce also reminded me that because of who I am there will always be somebody who tries to take advantage of that.

I can think of people who would. I hate to admit it, but Lex is on that list. I'm so afraid that he'll be tempted to want something from me because of my abilities, and I hate myself for thinking this way for even one second. Most of the time I feel like it wouldn't matter, and then he'll suddenly start to talk about stuff. Stuff like when he heard from somebody that a ship fell with the meteors, and I wonder how hard he would push me if he knew.

I'm glad he put the car accident behind him. When he promised to stop investigating, it was the biggest relief ever. He can be very persistent and sometimes that worries me.

This past weekend, I wanted to give him everything. I wanted him to be happy, and not have to worry about anything at all. I wanted both of us to stop thinking about all those things that always haunt us. I managed to forget for just a few days that I'm an alien and that he's Lex Luthor. I know that in the end these things may end up interfering with our happiness.

A part of me hoped that Lex would finally want to take that last step with me. I didn't hold out much hope and I didn't bring it up. I want it to happen.

I'm not a Kansas farmer, and he's not just any man. Most of the time I can put these thoughts in the back of my mind, but sometimes, late at night when I lay in bed alone, I can't help but think about them.

The ship may be gone but that doesn't change what I am. I have to drop pies off at the talon today, which means I have to see Lana. I hope she doesn't talk about what happened. I want her to forget and move on. I want everybody to just keep pretending I'm Clark Kent, a plain farmer who just wants to live his normal life.

Is that too much to ask for?

I had a little bonfire and burned all the files Nixon had on me. I didn't bother to look at what was on the memory stick. I snapped it in half and then when Bruce was gone, I destroyed it thoroughly in the flames, like Bruce told me to do. He seemed a little down, but he said Lex was fine when I asked about how things had gone between them. I didn't even ask how he was doing. I was so nervous and upset about the files. I thanked him with a hug. I felt kind of dorky hugging him, not really sure why. I think maybe because it just seemed so weird to hug somebody with such strength of character. I wish I could be as strong and sure as Bruce.

He's seeing somebody now and I should have asked how that was going. I have to remember to do that. Maybe I should e-mail him. I should definitely e-mail Dick. I invited him to visit this summer. I have to set that up soon. First I'll have to talk to mom and dad about it.

I seem to always have so much to say now a days and it looks like it will be a very long summer. Lex is going to be so busy. I hope he can make his plan work. I wish I could go to his father and tell him to stop knocking Lex down all the time. Lex is such a strong person; I can't understand why his father would be so down on him.

I feel so conflicted. I love Lex so much, but at the same time I fear him. That is totally fucked up and so hard to resolve in my mind.

@ 05:45 pm

Mom and dad got home a half hour ago. This was perfect timing since Lex left ten minutes before they got home. Lex stopped by to tell me his deal went through. He now owns the plant. This is great news for the town since it means that nobody will lose their jobs.

He caught me in the middle of working. I spent all morning digging ditches, and shredding branches from a tree I had to trim. Mom and dad went to the next county to get the new truck so I was alone. When Lex showed up, I was shirtless and covered in dirt and sawdust from the chipper. I had the chipper on when he got here. I don't know how long he stood watching me. I'm pretty sure he didn't see me do anything extraordinary. I did just break a branch in two and push it through the shredder, but I think anybody could have done that. Of course the branch was almost as thick as my arm, so maybe not, but Lex didn't say anything about it.

We went up to my loft for a glass of lemonade. Lex was dressed up nice in a suit tie. I felt like a pig mussing him up, but I have to admit, I did get a thrill once he said he didn't care how dirty I was. Then I went all out. I even pinned him to the sofa, pulled his pants open and sucked him off. It was such a thrill since we've never really done stuff in my loft.

I was really shocked when he sucked me off right after. I came so fast because I was already so excited. He even told me my sweatiness was a turn-on. I should have rubbed my armpits all over his face. That would have been funny. Maybe next time I will.

I have to take a deep breath now because first I need to get a haircut, it's getting shaggy, and then I have to drive into town to drop pies off at the Talon. Lana will be there to take delivery. I begged mom to do it for me, but she showed not one ounce of sympathy. Moms are so mean.

 

09 June @ 11:12 am

I have guilt in spades. I eat breath and drink it every single day. 

Late at night when I lay in bed awake I though a lot about the pain and heartache I cause everybody around me. Lex thinks I trust him and I do.

I think he deserves better than somebody who lies right to his face. I tell myself that my lies are not lies. That they are secrets that if discovered would change my whole life. I fear that discovery. When Roger Nixon grabbed me and put that meteor rock in my pocket, my insides weren't just cringing from the rock. A part of me thought for sure that I would never see my friends or family again. A part of me thought for sure that he would take me away from them forever.

Dad told me that Roger told him that Lex offered to pay him for information on us. If I ask Lex if this is true, I'm afraid he'll tell me a lie. My dad isn't a liar and I know Lex would never hurt me no matter what my stupid fears might be. I just can't seem to reconcile things.

Maybe I should talk to Lex about it. But how do I do that without making him think I don't trust him. I'm too afraid and I think that maybe this fear will eat at me until it consumes me whole. I need to get past it for my sake and for our sake. I need to figure out how to live with myself, knowing that I can't tell Lex the truth of what I am.

I don't even want to tell him the truth because if I do then it's so very real and unchangeable. When he doesn't know, I can pretend I'm just me, Clark. Once he knows it changes everything. I become the alien that fell on the day of the meteor shower. If he hated me after he knew, I would die inside.

I can't chance that. I can't chance that things between us would change forever. I want them to stay the same all the time.

But if I told him he'd know and we could be together without things hanging between us.

Life sucks and I wish I could stop thinking these things. I care about Lex so much. Deep down, I know I can count on him and I know that he would never hurt me no matter what. The only thing I don't know for sure is if my origins would make him turn away from me or if he would stop loving me because of what I am.

Maybe I could talk to Bruce about it. He could give me an idea of how he thinks Lex would react.

I want to wait until I'm used to the idea of who I really am, and I just can't see that happening any time soon. Right now it feels like I will never get used to it.

 

11 June @ 10:42 am

I'm supposed to go out with Chloe and Lana some time this weekend. Chloe is moving to the city for the summer, which totally sucks, but she has that internship at the Daily Planet so I can understand her not wanting to commute all summer. I haven't really had much of a chance to talk to her or Lana. I keep telling myself it's because I'm way too busy. I am busy, but I was never too busy for friends before. I have to give Pete a call soon. He's going to be busy all summer so we're probably going to have less time together.

I've definitely been avoiding Lana. After that conversation we had where she told me that I couldn't hide forever, I wasn't in the mood to talk to her. When I finally did see her she didn't say anything about what happened. I hope it stays that way, because there is no way I am telling her about my origins. 

I did stop by the Talon the other evening. I was bored at home and I'm tired of having nothing to do all the time. The Talon has become someplace I can go to just chill out. Lana was still cool, and like a total dope, I completely forgot that she had asked me to think up things the three of us could do when we went out. She made sure to write me up a post-it note to make sure I didn't forget again. I really don't care what we do as long as I'm with my friends. That's all that really matters to me.

Lex stopped by last night. I was navel-gazing when he showed up. I thought it was funny that he was totally ticked off that Bruce was named most eligible bachelor by people magazine. What he was really ticked about was the fact that the article on his new company was relegated to a strip at the top of the cover. It's not like People Magazine is a business magazine. His press coverage in the news was great. Lex looked amazing and so calm. I'm so proud of him. Even dad smiled when he saw it. When he saw that I had caught him he claimed he was happy that all those people wouldn't be out of a job. I know the truth; he's as proud as I am. I can tell.

It's funny what pisses Lex off. Stuff that I couldn't care less about makes his blood boil. I totally care about everything he cares about, but a magazine really isn't that big a deal. I suppose the press coverage is very important to him so I don't blame him for that. It was a nice article. I only read the article about LexCorp then totally forgot to read the one about Bruce. At least I looked at the pictures. Bruce looked very relaxed in them. It painted him as a playboy, which is totally not true.

At least I got to touch Lex. I love to look at him and touch him and just be close to him. When we're like that there's no pressure to be anything but myself. In fact, that is all he asked of me when I asked if there was anything I could do to help his weird mood.

Since we were in the loft and mom and dad were in the house nearby we really couldn't do much except a touching and kissing. I still got just as hard as if he'd stripped me naked and sucked me off. Thinking of him makes me hard.

I was trying not to be too needy, but I think I actually whimpered at one point when he kissed me. It was such a hot kiss I couldn't help it.

Now I have to go do work. Dad is calling me.

 

14 June @ 01:29 pm

Yesterday I went over to the mansion to hang out by Lex's pool. 

When I got there Lex was working, as usual. He never seems to stop working. I stripped down to my swim trunks and invited him to come and play with me. He changed into his swim trunks and joined me a few minutes later. He looks really good like that, although I think he could use more sun. He's kind of pale.

Once he swam some laps, he seemed much more relaxed. He worked all weekend and needed to unwind. I have a feeling I'm going to be urging him to loosen up a lot this summer.

I swam for a while then just lounged around in the pool while Lex watched. It was nice to be able to relax. 

That wasn't even the best part of the day. Out of the blue he gave me a gift. I'd completely forgotten about my birthday but he didn't. He gave me a really nice necklace that has this silver bead on it. The bead has angel wings carved into it. It's stunning! I've never had anybody give me jewelry so I didn't know how to react. I'm wearing it right now. 

I have to be honest when I first saw it I thought it was a collar. I've heard about that kind of thing and since I'd never seen one before, I wasn't sure if that was what it was, especially with the bead. The bead is nice and understated. I really like it. I was afraid to insult him or something and I wasn't sure because he was giving me these weird looks. I think he was afraid I'd hate it. I have to get used to the idea of wearing a necklace. It's a little strange.

I took it off before I went to bed and just stared at it for a long time. I'm pretty sure it means a lot to Lex that I wear it so I have to remember to always have it on when I see him or when I go out. I have this feeling that he'd be sad if I didn't wear it. I don't want to wear it when I work though, in case I lose it or break it or something.

He told me when he gave it to me that he wanted me to always think about him and that this is to remind me of him. I tried to tell him that I don't need a reminder of him.

After that, we made out on one of the lounge chairs. He is so hot! I love to touch his bare skin. I am a little ashamed to admit that he made me come in my bathing suit just from kissing and touching. I don't think I made a complete dork of myself, but I came pretty close. I didn't want AJL to feel neglected so I help him reach the same state.

When he told me that he'd be going away a lot this summer, I felt my heart plummet. I was really hoping we'd spend lots of time getting to know each other better. We've never spent a summer together. I know what he's doing is important. His company is important. I just hope he doesn't forget about me while he's on all those business trips.

Maybe I should give him something to remind him of me so that when he's away he can hold it and think about me. I'll have to think of something. I can't really afford much so it'll have to be something inexpensive. Which reminds me; I get my allowance today. I better start saving for Lex's gift.

Off to do work to earn more allowance.

 

15 June @ 10:49 am

She's gone. I really didn't understand what this would mean, but it hit me last night. Chloe moved back to the city for the summer and she may not have much time for us. I miss her already. 

Last Saturday Chloe, Lana and I went to a fair in the next county. We had a great time, although I could have done without the Ferris wheel ride. I'm a total coward, and I hate heights, but when Lana asked me to go on it with her, I braved it for her. We had a really cool time. Lana and Chloe looked happy. They look really good together.

I spent all of my time wishing Lex could be there, but that kind of stuff really isn't his style. Lana asked how things were between Lex and I. I wasn't really forthcoming. I don't like to talk about my personal life, even when it's with a friend. 

I still have a ton of work to do today plus I want to go over to see Lex. I only saw him for a few minutes yesterday when I dropped off the deliveries. He was preoccupied with work so I didn't stick around. He's a total workaholic.

 

16 June @ 11:01 am

It's already started. Lex is leaving for a business trip this Friday for a week! I didn't think it would be so soon. I guess I didn't take it too well. To say I was a brat is an understatement. When he called me on it I tried to act like I was joking.

I tossed and turned all night. I couldn't get it out of my head that I was being left behind. Here he is making these huge decisions with not just his life but other people's lives too, and I'm just a kid stuck on a farm. I can't even believe that he would still want to be with me. It couldn't possibly be good for his image. I might want to reinforce how important it is that the people who do know say absolutely nothing to anybody about it. I don't even want them to hint at something more than friendship.

I feel so disassociated from that part of Lex's life. I can't relate to him on that level. He's so intelligent, strong, and dynamic. I'm just a big dork. He's going to be out there in the real world while I'm trapped here, mucking out stalls and moving hay.

What the hell does he see in me? I'm nothing but a big geeky, high school kid. I know he tells me that he cares about me and when he kisses me he makes me weak in the knees. 

But he still wants to do normal things with me. I like sitting in the car, watching the sunset. We did that last night. I went over and he let me pick out the car - I chose the red Ferrari - he even let me drive it. I drove us to pick up drive through food, since all I had on me was a few dollars, and Slurpees. We picked up burgers and fries with apple pies. Then we stopped off at a convenience store for the Slurpees.

I drove us to this nice secluded spot where we could watch the sunset. We ate and made small talk. His lips tasted so good, all sweet and wet. I love to kiss him. His lips were all red from the cherry Slurpee. Sometimes I think about the first time our lips touched (when I gave him mouth to mouth) and I smile when I remember how I felt at that moment.

He sprang it on me that he would be leaving this Friday on business. When he asked me to be frank about how I felt, I told him I don't want to share him. It's partly true. I'm an only child, and I have only ever had two friends all my life and they have always been there for me, especially Pete. I never had to share him with anybody.

I know with Lex it's not possible. He's an important person. I want him to do great things and I know he can. I'm 100 % behind everything he wants to do. I'm not so selfish that I would stop him. I'm also not so egotistical that I think he'd stop if I asked him to. 

We made out after that. At first I felt strange. I couldn't get the thought that this was the beginning of the end for us out of my mind, but then his kisses and touches made me feel much better. I forgot to tell him that I love him. I should have. I just didn't feel like it last night now I feel like a child for withholding just because my feelings were hurt. I'll have to say it the next time I see him.

I have to go buy him something. I haven't got a clue where to start.

@ 10:40 pm

I went there today. The place we met: the bridge. The railing where his car crashed through is fixed. I stood and stared into the water and marveled at the irony that the reason I was on the bridge that day was because I was moping over Lana. I never would have met Lex that way if it weren't for that. I probably wouldn't have found out about my origins so soon. I could tell dad didn't want to tell me. He knew what it would change. 

He was right.

I'm glad it happened. I met somebody who makes my heart leap in my chest when he turns his gaze on me.

Lex is the change in my life that I would gladly embrace every single time.

 

17 June @ 11:16 pm

I think he loved the sex more. I didn't intend for it to happen. I mean I hoped of course, but I would never assume anything. It happened so fast I barely remember even thinking it through. We were making out on the bed and earlier I was going through his bedside table as he packed. I joked that he wouldn't need condoms on his trip and then there they were, handcuffs. I sort of accidentally on purpose cuffed him to the bed while we kissed and told him he couldn't go anywhere now since he was cuffed to his bed.

I was only kidding around. Then one thing led to anther and before I knew it we were having sex. I was on top of him. He is so tight. I love the feeling I get when I'm in him and he's under me. I feel powerful. Not that I'm not already powerful. It's a different kind of power. I'm in control of us, of what we're doing. I can hold him and know I won't break him.

I bruised his hips. I held on tighter than I should have, but his ass was just so nice. He was so nice and all mine. I realized at that moment when I was thrusting into him that I could have this every night. It was a heady revelation. It's so cool to be inside Lex when he comes. It makes me come almost immediately.

Plus Lex took it, and that is totally hot. I even forgot I had handcuffed him to the bed. He had to remind me, that's how caught up in the moment I was. I think it really turned him on to be cuffed. I never thought of it that way. I was just trying to stop him from leaving. It was hot and his wrists were rubbed raw.

It's so strange because I never saw myself as somebody who would be that way in bed. I always thought for sure I would be a giver. I suppose thrusting into him is giving. Maybe, I'm not sure. All I know is, I think I am a top. I love the feel of it. It makes me hard just thinking about it.

I still want to have Lex top me some day. It's something I want to experience. Have him overpower me and take total control of my body. I doubt it's even possible since I am so strong. I don't really see myself trying it with meteor rocks around. That time on the cross when I was almost naked and had the necklace on, the pain was too agonizing and it seemed like it lasted forever. Besides, sex shouldn't be about blinding pain.

After we'd recovered and dressed I gave him a CD. Then we sat back down on the bed and kissed a lot. I thought for sure we were going to do it again. I was so turned on. The truth is, I was pretty much hard the whole time I was with him. I didn't want to leave. I had to and now I'm home filled with thoughts of our evening together.

 

18 June @ 11:10 am

I had to deliver some pies to the Talon yesterday. While I was there I saw Lana for the first time since the weekend. She mentioned something about helping kids out with a lemonade stand that's supposed to be set up in front of her shop on the weekend. I told her I would help out.

I also made Lana cry. I didn't mean to. I was trying to reassure her that before she knew it Chloe would be back from the city, and things would be normal again. Instead she burst into tears. I felt so bad. I didn't know what to say after that. I just kept my mouth shut and let her cry on my shoulder. I get nervous when girls cry. I usually don't know what to do so I hugged her and tried to comfort her. She told me that she might need to borrow my shoulder for the summer. 

She really misses Chloe. I noticed she was wearing a ring. When I asked her about it she said that she and Chloe both have one now. It's a really nice ring. I think it's cool that they have that comfort zone. I wonder what she tells other people when they ask about it.

I totally forgot to wear my necklace since I'd been doing chores earlier. I put it on as soon as I got home. I won't lie about who gave it to me when I get asked. In truth nobody has really noticed it, not even my mom and dad. As long as I know what it means that's all that counts. I can see how a ring would be harder to explain. I couldn't imagine what I would say if Lex had given me one. 'Yeah, dad, it's from my imaginary girlfriend.' 

My friend Pete came by yesterday to tell me that he would be away a lot this summer. He's going on the campaign trail for the election. His interest in politics isn't totally altruistic. He told me he doesn't want to spend his whole summer with his parents.

Lex leaves on business today.

I have a ton of work to do today which I'm so glad for since it will keep my mind off the fact that Lex is leaving. I can't even say good bye to him since it would look weird having a high school kid see him off at the airport.

Dad's calling. He's in a really anxious mood today. I think he has a long list of stuff for us to do.

 

19 June @ 10:13 pm

I spent most of today with Lana. We took turns watching out for the kids that sold the lemonade. I only drank one glass of the lemonade. It was weird tasting. Maybe it was too sugary for me. 

I took Lana out for ice cream after. It was a scorching hot day.

I wore my necklace all day today. Both Lana and my dad noticed it. I chickened out with dad. I told him I got it for myself with my allowance money. I had to assure him it was inexpensive. I could tell Lana the truth about it, though. She was happy for me.

 

20 June @ 09:28 pm

I just came from the mansion. Feegan is having a pool party! He invited the whole town it seems. Even my mom and dad were there.

I got up and mom and I made dad a father's day breakfast, and then mom told me to clean up the kitchen so she and dad could go do something together in town. They left in the truck. I cleaned as fast as I could since I had to go pick up Lana to go help with the lemonade stand again today.

When I got there her aunt answered the door. Her aunt has always been curt with me, but for some reason today she was really nice. I even thought that maybe she was hitting on me, but that was crazy. I mentioned it to Lana who said that her aunt was just in a great mood. I'm not so sure though. 

At least the lemonade sales went well. The kids were so busy. Even Feegan came into town to buy some. He was driving one of Lex's cars! When I asked him if Lex had given him approval, he just told me to stop being so stiff. I wasn't being stiff. I was just worried since Lex is a bit odd about other people driving his cars.

While Feegan was in town, he handed out flyers to the pool party and even personally invited Lana and myself. It was weird but I guess it was such a hot day so I understand wanting to cool off. 

I went over to the mansion after I finished helping the kids to see what was going on. There was a full party in swing, and my parents were making out poolside! Lana's aunt hit on me for sure this time! My mom flipped out and pushed her into the pool.

When I tried to point out to Feegan that this was wrong, he told me to cool off and pushed me in the pool! I had to leave mom and dad there. They told me to go home since I was being such a stick in the mud. Then they went back to making out!

I went home to change into dry clothes and then went over to talk to Lana. At least things at her place were calm.

Now I need to clean the house. Mom and dad still haven't come home.

 

21 June @ 09:16 pm

Now I know there's something weird going on. Tonight Dad disabled me with a meteor rock, and then he and mom took off. They told me to grow up and stop being such a burden.

I managed to crawl far enough away from the meteor rock to get my strength back, but by the time I did they were long gone.

Mom told me to make my own dinner. That's not strange, since I have done that in the past. It was the way she said it. I can't believe they would do this. I ran all over town, looking for them, but I couldn't find them. 

That isn't even the most disturbing thing for me. This morning, when I came down for breakfast, I caught them making out on the sofa in the living room, and then dad told me that during the pool party they made use of one of the rooms at the mansion. I can barely believe it let alone write it here. My parents have never done anything like this before.

I don't know what to do. I wish Chloe were here. This sounds like something for the wall of weird. It doesn't look like mom and dad are coming home. I guess that leaves me to do all the chores. Nothing has been done for the last few days. 

I'm so exhausted. Meteor exposure totally sucks. I just know dad didn't mean it when he called me a burden.

 

22 June @ 11:29 pm

Lana brought the lead box back to me so I could use it to get rid of the meteor rock in my loft. I hate those things. I had to crawl to get it, but I didn't care. I put it in the box and got rid of it. Now I have the box by my bed. It's the box Lex gave to me when we first met. 

I close my eyes and think of that day, when he gave it to me, and now I can recall that he stood so close to me. 

I miss Lex so much.

 

23 June @ 11:12 am

Yesterday I went riding with Lana to forget the weirdness that has been going on for the last few days. I had a great time and it was so nice to ride again. I haven't done that since the last time her, Chloe and I went riding together. It was a perfect day for it and I really needed to get my mind off things. 

We've both noticed strange behavior from a few people. Feegan, Mel, and a few others seem to have suddenly turned strange. This all started with the lemonade. Lana and I think something in it has made people go wacky, but we're not sure what it could possibly be.

She stopped by last night. Apparently her aunt left a note saying that she would be in the city clubbing. My parents are still missing. I have no idea where they went. I tried to find them again this morning, but no luck.

I'm worried about mom and dad and on top of that I still have all the chores to do. I'm too worried to do chores. I just can't believe they would do this.

Lana and I are headed for the city. We're taking a sample of the lemonade to Chloe so she can have it analyzed.

 

24 June @ 01:13 am

Lana and I went to the city to have the lemonade analyzed. We won't know what's in it until tomorrow. It was great to see Chloe again. Lana and I met her at Chloe's cousin Lois' apartment. We stayed for a few hours. Chloe seems really happy.

We ate out and talked about what's been going on in town. Sometimes it just takes a good brainstorm session to figure things out. 

When Lana and I got back in town we found a street party going on. Even mom and dad were there. I asked them where they had gone, but quickly told them I didn't need to know when they started to talk about motel rooms. The adults had set up a beer garden in the center of Main Street only instead of beer they were giving away lemonade. 

I ran into my best friend Pete. We managed to convince most of the adults to go home and get some rest. It was chaos.

Now I'm home, and mom and dad are finally in bed. I went over to the mansion after my parents fell asleep, to check on Feegan. He was acting real goofy and tried to pick a fight with me. I know he was just kidding around, but it was so annoying that he wasn't acting like he normally does.

While I was there, I stopped in the Troy room. I miss Lex a lot. I know it's only been a few days, but I really wish he were here. I can't even talk to him since he's too busy to call. I miss his voice.

 

25 June @ 11:05 pm

Things are almost back to normal. The lemonade was spiked. Chloe called to say that the meteor rocks had something to do with it. I had to watch over my parents and Lana's aunt Nell, and Chloe's father. Once I got the lemonade away from them, I put my parents to bed. They were acting like twelve year olds.

It was so weird, having them all act behaving like children.

After they trashed the house, played my CDs and drove the truck into the side of the barn, I finally got them to settle down.

Chloe explained why the lemonade changed only the adults. I drank some of it on the first day, but all it gave me was a stomachache. It's all gone now. I'm still trying to figure out what to tell Lex. It turns out the lemonade powder was made in level three at the plant Lex owns. They used meteors somehow to alter the powder. I wonder if they knew what it would do.

I went over to the mansion last night because I knew Feegan was infected as well. I had to practically wrestle him up to his room. Once I tackled him and convinced him to get in his bed (he was pouting all the way), he calmed down. Tonight, when I went over to see how he was doing, he was overly apologetic. I promised to talk to Lex about what happened and to explain everything. I have a feeling that getting red flames painted on the side of Lex's favorite black Porsche isn't the only thing Feegan did. I don't want Feegan to get in trouble so I took the car. Unfortunately the body shop was closed so I have to wait until tomorrow to bring it in. I kind of like the flames. They look cool.

Mom and dad are in bed. They're both exhausted, but at least they're back to normal. I overheard them tell each other that they were to never discuss what they did while under the influence. Neither of them has said anything about it. I think that's for the best.

The house is back to normal, too. And I need sleep. 

Dick is arriving tomorrow at around ten AM. I have to go to bed so I can get up early to do the chores.

 

27 June @ 09:21 am

It's so cool to have Richard here. I had to fight my mom and dad to get them to agree. I didn't tell anybody this since I was afraid Richard would say that he didn't want to cause problems. I've never been allowed to have anybody stay over. My parents are afraid that somebody will see me use my abilities. Dad is usually the one who argues it and mom just gives me sympathetic looks, and says 'Your father has a point.' It's annoying, but this time I bugged dad relentlessly. I pointed out that I could refrain from using my abilities. Once that agreement was reached he finally conceded. I even agreed to take any punishment if I break my promise. So far I have not once used a single ability, not even x-ray. It's kind of cool. I feel almost normal.

Yesterday I went to the airport just outside of Metropolis to pick Richard up. I didn't really have much of a choice except to the use the car that Feegan had detailed. It was the coolest ride ever. I thought it looked awesome. They did such a great job with the flames and it kind of looked like the car was on fire. Unfortunately, Richard and I had to drop it off at the body shop to have it repainted. Frank said they would be finished by today. He glared at me when I told him it was supposed to have been a present for the owner, since the plate said Lex 01 it was kind of hard to hide who it belonged to. I told him I realized said owner would probably not appreciate the gesture. Frank promised not to tell Lex. He was disappointed that I was having it repainted since he felt it was his best work yet. He also commented that he never gets to work on such a fine car.

I know Lex wouldn't appreciate something like that. He'd probably be horrified. He'd most likely think I was tacky for liking it. I get the feeling sometimes that he thinks that about the way I dress. I never ask him so I don't really know if it's true, but he's always dressed so well that I can imagine my farm boy flannel wardrobe isn't exactly to his taste. It's not like I can help it. I hate picking out my clothes and I trust mom. Besides, it is mom and dad's money that pays for my things which is not to say I don't pick things out for myself. I always tell mom if I don't like something. Maybe I should start picking my own things.

Every since my dad told me about being an alien a small part of me feels like I'm intruding on their lives. I cause so much havoc for them. There are so many fears and I can see it in their eyes. Like with Richard. I know my parents don't want to rob me of experiences that all my other friends have, like something as simple as having a friend visiting, but at the same time I can see where they're coming from.

Last night Richard and I just hung out and shot some hoops. We talked about Bruce and Lex. It's kind of weird because Richard is now with Bruce and Lex was with Bruce. I'm trying not to feel uncomfortable about that since I think Richard is a cool guy, but my brain goes places that it never would have gone before I met Lex.

It was so cool to have somebody over that I could talk to and show things to. This morning I showed Richard how to milk a cow. I never realized how much fun that would be. I think he got more milk on his shirt then he did in the bucket. Once he got the hang of it, he managed to get enough out of the cow to have a breakfast of milk and pancakes. Mom is calling me right now to go down for breakfast.

Richard and I have to go into town to get the car back. I stressed to Frank that I needed it ASAP and he agreed to stay open long enough for me to get the car. I figured we could hang out at the Talon for a while that way he can meet some other people while he's here. I don't want him to get bored. 

Breakfast smells so nice. I can't wait to eat. I'm so hungry.

 

28 June @ 11:10 am

Richard is having a shower. He fell in the mud this morning when we were trying to clean up a mess by the side of the barn. It was so funny. I laughed my ass off then he splashed me. I didn't care. I just kept laughing. 

We had such a great time yesterday. He's so cool about helping out with the chores. I think mom is as happy as I am to have him here. He's so cool.

Richard and I spent most of yesterday walking around the fields and enjoying the nice weather. We ran an errand for a friend first, and then walked out to the windmill. It was nice to sit and look out at the town. I pointed out all the landmarks, not that our town has many, but you can see the mansion from there. We talked about the things we like. I think he's having a good time. I'm glad since I was worried that he'd be bored, but I can tell he likes the change.

Dad gave us the worst chores yesterday. I know he did it on purpose so that we'd be occupied for hours. Richard never once complained.

After dinner, we crashed in the loft and talked about stars and farming. We were both so tired last night that we passed out in the loft. I felt asleep in the hammock and Richard fell asleep on the sofa. He never once complained about any of the things dad made us do. I warned him that it wouldn't end. Looks like Dad plans on testing Richard. He does that sometimes.

Later today Richard and I will be making the Monday deliveries together. First we have to check the orders and pick and sort them.

I can't wait to see Lex. I'm anxious right now; I'm typing so fast. Richard and I are heading over to Pete's place. I haven't had a chance to go by and see him since he got back. 

 

29 June @ 12:39 am

Richard and I went over to hang with Pete. They got along great. We played two-on-two basketball. Pete's brother joined us. I had a blast and I know Richard did, too. 

After we got back, dad wasted no time putting us to work. Richard and I picked the produce orders and then delivered them, which meant the going to the mansion! We got into a tomato fight, which was totally Richard fault, sort of. Dad was not amused, but it was a blast.

I finally got to see Lex. After we dropped off the delivery, Richard said a brief hello to Lex and left us alone. I practically jumped Lex when the door closed. I got on my knees and sucked him off. 

Unfortunately, I had to rush off since I had my guest waiting in the truck. As soon as we got home, dad put us to work again. He has no shame. I begged him to back off when Richard was out of earshot, but he gave me his patented 'You know better, son.' look. I totally know better. Dad is so annoying some times. Richard was fine with it.

He's asleep now. I think we tired him out again. We talked for a while in the loft. I'm here now since Richard is asleep in my bed. There was no way I was going to let my guest sleep on the sofa.

 

30 June @ 10:07 pm

There is so much time and so many things to do. Between dirt biking with Pete and Richard, and then going for a swim by Lex's pool, I went nonstop yesterday.

This morning Dad gave us the afternoon off so we left the farm in case he changed his mind. I was thrilled that we would have a whole day together. We walked through fields. When we hit that field where it happened last year I actually told dick about the scarecrow thing. I hadn't really told anybody about it. I guess it's easier now that it's in the past.

I reassured him that things were cool between Whitney and me and that it was in the past. The truth is, I still have nightmares about it every once in a while. I've mostly forgotten about it, but the helplessness I felt on that cross haunts me. After that, we went over to hang with Pete and do some dirt bike riding.

We cleaned up and went over to hang at the Talon. Lana was working so we talked with her and drank tons of coffee. It was really nice and relaxing, and nice to see Dick getting along with all my friends. Lex showed up and invited us all to go swimming. Pete had to get home, but the rest of us went.

The pool was refreshing. As soon as we arrived, Lex swam laps but Dick and I were too disruptive for him to keep swimming so he just sat poolside. He looked hot in his black bathing suit. The only thing that stopped me from drooling right there was embarrassment.

Richard urged me to go spend time with Lex, but with people there, I couldn't or at least I thought I couldn't. Eventually I did go sit with Lex while Lana and Richard talked on the other side of the pool. They seemed to be having a good time. I'm not sure what they talked about and I didn't ask Dick about it today. 

I couldn't figure out what was wrong with Lex. Sometimes when he talks it's like he's speaking another language and I feel lost or maybe like I'm not getting some double meaning. Like at the poolside. He'd say that he noticed that Richard and I are getting along, which seems fine but then his tone is weird. I thought maybe he was implying that we were getting along in a sexual way, but that didn't seem right. I wasn't sure what to say so I tried to reassure Lex without actually coming out and accusing him of implying something more.

I get confused even thinking about it. I can't imagine why Lex thinks anything more is going on between us. Richard is my friend and we're having a great time. I didn't know what else to say so I just changed the subject to how great Lex looked. He always looks so good. I felt daring so I touched Lex with Richard and Lana right there. Not that they were hovering over us. I had my back to them so I couldn't see if they saw, but I still felt self-conscious.

Lex and I even kissed. Eventually we sneaked into the pool change room and I begged him to suck me off. I was so hard and I couldn't help it. He forced me to say it, and it felt so awesome to have him touch me, and put him mouth on me like that.

When he was done we practically collapsed right there. I even got up the nerve to ask him if I could suck him off. I can't believe I did that with my friends just a few feet away.

Dick and I left shortly after that and we gave Lana a drive home. 

Today I showed Richard the school and the Torch office. He asked a few questions about Lana and Chloe. I found out that Lana told him about her and Chloe's dating status. I also showed him the football field where I almost played in a game. I didn't tell him the reason I missed the game was because I was locked in the sauna with meteor rocks. Dick doesn't know about my abilities. 

Again I'm left to wonder if he'd even be my friend if he did know. He seems cool but a lot of people seem cool until they're faced with something freaky.

At least I don't have to find out. I haven't used my abilities at all since he came to visit. I was so ecstatic that I've kept up my end of the bargain. When I told dad today he just grunted and went on with his work. Sometimes I wonder if he really is proud of me.

Tonight Richard got a phone call from Bruce. He seemed really down after the call. I wasn't sure what to say or do. He asked if he could spend some time on line checking on Gotham. I think maybe something happened that he's not telling me about.

It seems like I've failed to keep Richard happy and worst of all Lex is unhappy. I thought about it and ever since he came back Lex has been off. He seems angry that I'm having a good time and so far we've had two sexual encounters and both times everything seemed fine while it was happening but then after the high wore off I felt lost.

I feel unsure and I don't know what I did wrong. I can't talk to anybody about it because I feel like maybe I'm blowing things out of proportions. Maybe I'm seeing something that isn't there and maybe Lex is just tired from all the work he's been doing. I can't imagine how much it must take to get a new business off the ground.

I feel tense now and I can't run because then I'd be breaking my promise. Maybe I should ask Richard what he does to burn off tension.

I think I'll take a shower. Richard has become withdrawn. I should just tell him he could go home. I probably bored him enough already.


End file.
